you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
