Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
