dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
