I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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