the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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