mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
