I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
