I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
