Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
