a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
