I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
