I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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