HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
