watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
