He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
