I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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