Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
