I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
