that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
where does the pee come out of this thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
