At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
