I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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