The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
