Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
