I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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