My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just googled if crying burns calories
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
