just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
