i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
