I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
