You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
