Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
