I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
