Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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