I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Still dying that you shit outside
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
