I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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