the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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