I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
