sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
