I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
