It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
