Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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