you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
