I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
