for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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