I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
