Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
