So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
