dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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