Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
