How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
