I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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