I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
