You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
