don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
