Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
